I’ve given a bit of thought to the succession of days when I blog regularly and it comes down to Saturdays and Sundays these days. Weekends are made for beer and also for introspection I think. With two kids, I always look at them rather vicariously and try to feel the keen joy my daughter finds in every day things that she suddenly groks. There are the big things to figure out and then there are small wonders to unravel and learn. She is of the questioning age. Everything around here is either a question or an answer and it all depends on what she’s done of late. So I tend to travel the same world but I’ve seen those particular sights before. I don’t really want to guide her all the way and explain it all; because a lot should be left to her wondering gaze. I do get the feeling that she knows a hellofa lot more than what I think she knows. And she knows that I know… Its both distressing and a relief that we both have kinda figured out the patterns for some things.
Other things remain elusive though even to me. I watch what I do day in and day out. Is there a real method to the madness or do I do it for a shorter term financial gain or because I love it? I’ve blogged before that I think after this startup, I will want to move on to other things. I can see a pattern outside of Linux and technology and open source and stuff. I applied once for a job as a park historian. Imagine the “being outdoors”. The taking people to see a thing and explaining it. Archeologists, even armchair ones like me, can explain things really well. Years of prehistory are grist for their mill. I could see a time when I don’t so dote on what I run on a computer compared to what I do with what I run. I am a computer habilis. Its a tool to me. I use the tool. When one tool suits me not, I move on. I do like Linux in a few flavors but I bound all of that great exuberance with doses of reality. Now for me its “getting the job done and more”. One day in the future it will be “even more than what it was”.
Then I’ll know what the more is and how to get there. These days I am quite happy with what I do and it challenges me in many ways to have what I have. But tomorrow is a turn of the page away. And if you live by what that famous singer said, you just gotta “turn the page”. The actual turning may not be so much. The transformation, the rebirth, the refinding of value may be more. I’ve told a few work colleagues I think I am approaching the zenith and they don’t believe it. I hear a few things from them like how could I ever went to move away from this or that. Its more about moving toward something than away. As an anthropologist of note once told me “there is nothing so constant as change”. People, ecologies, institutions all must change.
